[x] I am shorter than 5'4. (no me gusta! One day imma kick everyone's butt w/ my 5' 1/4 " -ness!!!)
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes. (I guess you can't exactly say you feel great about yourself all the time! )
[ ] I tan easily. (HAH! I wish....)
[x] I wish my hair was a different color. (ORANGE!!!!! lol!)
[ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo. (I kinda want one!)
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance. (depends on what I'm wearing, and what I'm doing. If I'm w/ my friends, I could honestly care less about what others think! )
[x] I have/I've had braces. (Ellie is sad.... But, I guess I kinda need 'em)
[x] I wear glasses/contacts. (I sometimes forget that I wear them. lol!)
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.(I'm good, no thanks buddy!)
[ ] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger. (That would be a little creepy.... D )
[ ] I have more than 2 piercing.
[ ] I have piercing in places besides my ears. (LOL! Funny!!)
[ ] I have freckles. (Nah, I think I'd officially become the stereotypical nerd if I did! I mean, braces + glsses + FRECKLES= O.D.)

\\

Family/Home Life

[x] I've sworn at my parents. (Whoops!)
[ ] I've run away from home. (I thought abot it once, but decided against it. It was too cold....)
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[ ] My biological parents are together.
[x] I have a sibling. (MORE THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE!)
[x] I want to have kids someday. (I wanna be the best mother I can be, and give that little kid the best damn life they'll have.)
[ ] I've lost a child.

//

School/Work

[x] I'm in school . (Boo! Why ask this question?!)
[ ] I have a job. (How about, 'I need a job'?)
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school. ( I think a lot of my teachers hate that about me. )
[ ] I almost always do/did my homework. (<< >>
[x] I've missed a week or more of school. (Got horribly sick two weeks ago, believe it or not. I got swarmed w/ projects and shit, so it wasn't fun...)
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year. (lol marie!)
[ ] I've stolen something from my job.
[ ] I've been fired.

\\

Embarrassment

[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation. (Haven't done that in a while, but I have before.)
[x] Disney movies still make me cry. (MUFASA!!!!!! That always makes me tear up when he dies...)
[x] I've peed from laughing. (lmao! no joke, man!)
[x] I've snorted while laughing. (Whoops again!)
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried. (My brother's awesome!)
[x] I've glued my hand to something. (Paper. D= Oops.)
[x] I've had my pants rip in public. (MY FAVORITE SHORTS! (( )

//

Health

[x] I was born with a disease/impairment. (Breathing issues and ADHD)
[ ] I've gotten stitches/staples.
[x] I've broken a bone. (My arm, b/c I was a realy stupid kid!)
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[ ] I've sat in a doctors office/emergency room with a friend.
[ ] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.(Hopefully not ever. I heard it sucks ass.)
[ ] I had a serious surgery. (I was gonna have to to have my left index finger removed!)
[x] I've had chicken pox. (I think...)
[ ] I've had measles.

\\

Traveling

[ ] I've driven over 200 miles in one day. (My step-father has, but I myself haven't.)
[x] I've been on a plane. (Blegh, to visit Grandma. That sucked.)
[ ] I've been to Canada
[ ] I've been to Mexico.
[ ] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] I've been to Europe. (I want to so badly!!!)
[ ] I've been to Africa.

//

Experiences

[ ] I've gotten lost in my city.
[ ] I've seen a shooting star.
[ ] I've wished on a shooting star.
[ ] I've seen a meteor shower.
[x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas. (My pajamas are, essential, what I'm wearing the next day. )
[x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator. (The people in the elevator weren't too happy about that!)
[xxxxxx] I've kicked a guy where it hurts. (A lot of times, and a lot of different guys.)
[ ] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.
[ ] I've played spin the bottle. (If t was w/ Raphael Nadal, Jokavic, and Federer, then hell yeah I'd play it! But in real life, no. I haven't.)
[ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.(That would be horrible... Lactose intolerant much?)
[ ] I've crashed a car. (My step-dad would totally kick my ass if I did.)
[ ] I've been skiing.
[x] I've been in a play. (LOL! When I was in Kindergarten, I forgot my line, so I acted like a chicken! Ba-gawk!)
[x] I've met someone in person from myspace. (lol. nobody rly goes there anymore, but I guess so, yeah.)
[x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue. (Hasn't everybody?)
[ ] I've seen the Northern lights.
[x] I've sat on a roof top at night. (I think I did way back.)
[ ] I've played chicken.
[x] I've played a prank on someone. (LOL! April Fools day at my Dad's was always fun!)
[x] I've ridden in a taxi. (NEW YORK CITY! W00T!)
[ ] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[x] I've eaten sushi. (Epic fail of a question.)
[ ] I've been snowboarding.

//

Relationships

[x] I'm single. ( )
[ ] I'm in a relationship.
[ ] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumped more than the dumper.
[ ] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment. (Okay, seriously, I think every girl has this fear. No joke.)
[ ] I've gotten divorced.
[ ] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[ ] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[ ] I've kept something from a past relationship.
[ ] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[ ] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x] I've hugged a stranger. (Oops. Accidentally.)
[x] I have kissed a stranger. (Once again, accidentally. Yep, I lost my first kiss by complete accident. At least he was a sorta cute guy...)

\\

Honesty/Crime

[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[ ] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[x] I've cheated on a test.
[ ] I've run a red light.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.
[ ] I've witnessed a crime.
[ ] I've been in a fist fight.
[ ] I've been arrested.

//

Death and Suicide

[x] I'm afraid of dying.
[ ] I hate funerals. (Never really been to one yet...)
[ ] I've seen someone dying.
[x] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[ ] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[ ] I've planned my own suicide.
[ ] I've attempted suicide.
[ ] I've written a eulogy for myself.

//

Materialism

[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs. (I only have 1)
[x] I own an iPod or MP3 player. (lol both)
[x] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga. (Mostly anime nowadays, though, but yes.)
[ ] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
[ ] I own something from Pac Sun.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[ ] I own something from The Gap.
[x] I own something I got on e-bay.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie.

\\

Random

[x] I can sing well. (People say I do, anyways, so that's more of a half x)
[ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[x] I open up to others easily. (If I trust them, then yeah.)
[ ] I watch the news.
[ ] I don't kill bugs.
[ ] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[x] I curse regularly. (<< >> Imma High schooler, so sue me! jk)
[x] I sing in the shower.(lol no comment!)
[x] I am a morning person.(Sometimes. I can be really irritated somedays, and really relaxed other times.)
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[ ] I'm a snob about grammar.
[x] I am a sports fanatic (Taekwondo, Tennis, Boxing, Baseball, Football, Mixed martial arts, and Soccor! All of my favorite sports!)
[ ] I twirl my hair.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name. (I actually find that really annoying to see in people's screen names, honestly.)
[ ] I love being neat.
[ ] I love Spam.
[ ] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day !!
[x] I bake well. (I bake cakes, cookies [pre-packaged], and muffins-in-a-box. I dunno if that makes me good, but I'll put an x anyways.)
[ ] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue. (That's kinda bogus that orange wasn't in there!)
[x] I've worn pajamas to school. (same question two times. GAH))
[ ] I like Martha Stewart. (Nope. Not really.)
[x] I know how to shoot a gun. (Hell to the YEAH!)
[x] I am in love with love. (Kinda depends on what you mean...)
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS. (I wanna shoot people like this, I'm sorry.)
[x] I laugh at my own jokes. (LOL! Yeah, I definetly do!)
[ ] I eat fast food weekly.
[x] I believe in ghosts. (I'm terrified of them, if that counts?)
[ ] I am online 24/18, even as an away message. (Nope! I have a life now! YAY!)
[ ] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class. (PE is honestly the easiest class you will ever have. I mean, no homework AND working out? HELL YEAH!)
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I am really ticklish. (stfu)
[ ] I love white chocolate. (My friends do, but I kinda like reg. chocolate w/ almonds better.)
[ ] I bite my nails.
[x] I play video games. (My whole family is petty savvy at 'em)
[ ] I'm good at remembering names. (No. I epically fail at that.)
[ ] I'm good at remembering dates. (I hardly know what the holidays NAMES are, much less the dates of 'em. D= )
[ ] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. (Kinda more like I have a lot of ideas, but I just don't know how I'm gonna do them, you know what I mean?)


Wow, I haven't updated in forever. Sup mah HOMIES?! lol!

Yeah, if you checked out that weird box-like thing at the top, you'll notice that it said I'm on a high-protein diet.

What this means is that I'm trying to build up more muscle for Taekwondo, as well as lose some weight while I'm at it. My training regiment is a little harsh, but I need to keep pushing myself to the limit.

A very big and important tournament is coming up this Saturday. This tournament is the qualifier for the Nationals in Auston, Texas this year! If I get first place in either forms or sparring, I get the opportunity of a lifetime! I've been training my ass off, and re-thought on many of my ideals and the way I've acted most of my life.



My life was bad. It hurt me, and in turn, hurt many others as well because of how I reacted. I didn't have much role models to look up to. My mom, in my eyes, was weak and useless. My dad and step-dad were annoying and never really helped me out. I never really had much to think about, and my schooling fell because of how many times we moved.

I resorted to bullying when I was in second grade, but stopped after the first year because, well, I moved. When I finally moved here, I was just a cry baby.


Those facts- how weak I was when I was younger, how I hurt so many people, and how I looked at my own parents- have haunted me all of my life. I hated myself, and evetually made a giant mistake because of my insecurities.


I've gotten help, though. I'm getting better, I'd like to think. I'm getting started on doing the things I wanna do, and not what other people want me to do.

My life may have sucked in my eyes, but thankfully I'm able to know this:

How you react to what goes on in your life is what makes you who you are. Not your looks, not your smarts. Hell, not even how strong you are physically! It's all about how you act and react to the things going on around you. You choose who you can be! You just gotta work hard at it!


I'm not saying that I know who I am. I'm far from that. I'm just saying that I'm starting to understand, if only a little bit, about myself and what I wanna do in my life.


...Someday- maybe not in the near future, but someday- I would like to open up my own Taekwondo studio. I would like to fight in the Nationals and maybe, someday, in the World championships!


I have a couple of things I'd like to say to some people, though...




Stop running. Stop fearing what you can't see, or what you don't know. Life can only get harder. But, someday, if you just keep trying, and never give up on the things you cherish, you might just make it outta the giant ocean that you're drowning in.

It won't be easy. Hell I'm not even close to the top. But... I'm starting to see that light. You know, that light from the sun? It's not impossible, but the work to get there is pretty damn hard.

I'm not gonna hold your hand anymore. I've been pulling you up while I myself was sinking faster down that ocean. The weight of worry and fear for you has been keeping me from living how I wanna live. I don't wanna go back there. I won't go back there if I can help it.

Humans are here for a reason. You're here for a reason. We all are, goddammit! Don't be so selfish as to assume that there's no point to your existance! If you keep thinking like that, all the people you could've met, all the places you could've seen... you'd never get to them! So many people, disappointed and put out, wishing to meet someone, and never getting that chance!


This is my last advice to you. Usually you kinda just blow it off, or pretend to do it, but I'm done giving it to you eitherway.

Date who you want to date, and feel how you wanna feel, but realize this:

Dating and relationships and love are not all there is to life. I hope you can realize this someday and, in turn, start living "la vida loca"!

Good luck. I can't say that I really hate you, or that I really want to be friends with what you are right now. I guess that means I can't really be your friend then, but...

No matter how stupid you may think me, or how annoying, I believe in you. I believe that, deep down, there's a beautiful woman just waiting to come out.




*yaaaaaaawn* Well, I guess this is it. Ellie's last journal on here.

Yup. I'm done going on here for a while. I will never forget the people I've met on here, and I truly believe that you all will grow up into amazing people!

Wish me luck you guys! I love you all, and good luck with whatever you do, okay?